cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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