i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
