rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
