Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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