yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
