I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
