Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
