I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
