We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
