dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
