She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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