Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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