Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
