I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
