I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
