She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
