I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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