batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
