things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
we're so committed to being not committed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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