you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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