totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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