Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
