And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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