I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
