we're blogging at a bar
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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