Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
