last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
