it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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