I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
