Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
