i will never coherently bang her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
