does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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