is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
