I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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