Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
