My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
