I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
