shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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