I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
