Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
