no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
