i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
