Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
