i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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