She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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