I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just found a bag of teeth...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
