my phone needs a breathalizer
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
never play flip cup with pint glasses
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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