I puked a lego.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize