She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
