my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
