I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
