come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think people are normalizing furries
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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