xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
