dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My cat gives me a boner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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