Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
