someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
