Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
