Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
