Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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