I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
