then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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