This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
