dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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