her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
