Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
