Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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