I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
