well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
barbara walters just said penis...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
