So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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